[ Keyleth comforts herself by insisting that if the situation were reversed, Vax would carry the weight rather than darken her days with it. Is it true? Well. She thinks it probably is. When has Vax ever put himself before anyone else?
But that doesn't mean she won't accept the embrace, the comfort. Keyleth starts to move in, then makes a quiet noise and eases back enough to lift the antlered circlet off of her head, setting it aside far enough away that neither of them are likely to put their hands down on it and catch a prong.
There. She winds her arms around his middle and presses her cheek against Vax's chest. That's better. She sinks in and closes her eyes, counting every breath and every heartbeat, roughly three beats for every inhale and exhale.
She shifts again, just to turn her head and press her face into the fabric of his shirt. Hero. Keyleth's never felt like a hero. She thinks Kerr has the right of it. They're just hammering at the world, and sometimes breaking feels like making. ]
I'm--I'm not gonna lie to you. I'm not, I promise. [ It's a thin line between lying and withholding information, but darnit--it's still a line. ] I just...don't want to talk about it.
[ that is 100% true, if their situations were switched. vax would have every second of it, sure, but he wouldn't share something that dark, or that heavy, with her. not if it would worsen things, which is apparently would. and vax is aware that he wouldn't, which is in part the reason he's not pushing for it.
when keyleth pauses and leans back to remove the antlers, vax finds himself watching her. watching the movement of her hands, or the expression on her face. knowing that there is apparently such a space between them, now, doesn't sit well, but he doesn't know how to fix it.
but then she's back, her face against his chest, and his arms are around her again. soft and gentle where they rub at her back. he's not sure if what he meant to say has been communicated - that he does want to know but that he's not going to make her do anything - but he leaves it where it is. ] You don't have to. [ he confirms, burying his face back in her hair. ] Not until you want to, and I'm not going to be going anywhere until then.
[ She doesn't mean for it to come out quite so desperate and pleading, but the thought of it is too much. She's already all but lost him once, please, whatever gods or beings are in charge, don't make her do it again. Her eyes burn, her nose starts to sting, and she starts taking very deliberate breaths, refusing to let herself start sniffling or shed tears. ]
I don't...think I can do this alone again. I really don't think I can.
[ he can't tell if she's crying, or just trying to keep herself from it, but either way vax pulls her close and tight to his chest. he wants to help. he wants to do something. and he can't shake the feeling that no matter what he does or says here, it won't really help. ]
I'm not going anywhere, don't worry. [ he says anyway, soft and reassuring into the mess of red hair on the top of her head. ] You don't have to do this alone anymore. I promise.
[ But he can't make those promises, not really. Not make them with any sort of expectations of being held to them. Not just because she knows what she knows--none of them can be sure they'll still be there in a week. A day. An hour.
But that's just life, isn't it? She can't keep holding on to this...whatever it is. Dread? Fear? Grief? A little taste from every column, is probably where the truth is found. Vax is here now, and awake, and alive, and there's nothing he can do about the future. Nothing any of them can do. So. They'll just take it moment by moment. ]
Okay.
[ She breathes in deep, lets it out, content to exist in the tight hold and the soft dark of Vax's clothes against her cheek, the muted whisper of his heartbeat a steady measure of passing moments. Breathes in, breathes out. Unconsciously synchronizing her breaths with his. ]
We're gonna be okay. We'll--all of us, we're gonna be okay.
[ no, he can't. and he knows he can't. not with the raven queen always hanging over his head, or knowing what happens when you get enough of vox machina together. he knows he can't make that promise, but he still does, because he wants to. and whether or not it means anything, his intent is there.
he wants to be here, with her. he wants to make sure she is never alone, and he wants to try his best to make sure it stays that way.
thankfully, she agrees, and vax lets out a soft sigh of his own. feeling keyleth tense, and then relax, up against him. he notices that she synchronizes with him, and it pulls a small smile out of him, turning his cheek to lay it on top of her head, his arms still around her. ]
Yes. We are. We'll all be okay. [ he squeezes her tight, just for good measure, before he pauses. pulls away to reach his hand and pull her face away from his chest, just to catch her eyes. just to stare at them for another second, then a second more, before he gives her a soft smile. ]
I love you. More than anything. You know that, right?
[ Oh, well. There goes Keyleth's heart. Just melting. In her chest. No big deal, she totally doesn't need that to live. ]
Vax.
[ She swallows hard, a knot in her throat and moisture gathering in her eyes, but they're more the good kind of tears than the other kind. Of course she knows Vax loves her. That's never been in doubt. Maybe the Raven Queen wins in the end, and maybe she doesn't, but it doesn't matter; Keyleth will always know the love that Vax felt for her was a choice, not a duty.
She just pulls him in and kisses him. It's been way too long since she properly kissed her boyfriend. Kisses say more than words can, anyway. ]
[ his heart just about breaks at the sight of it - the tears that start to well, the tightness in her throat. he almost wonders what he did wrong, almost asks how he can help, but he doesn't have much time to when keyleth goes ahead and pulls him in for a kiss.
which. really. he'd have to be dead to ever imagine contesting this. it comes as easily as breathing, leaning into her kiss and lettings his arms wrap back around her, just for another stretch of her to ground himself in.
and she's right - kisses do say more than words, and whatever vax had still been dealing with very easily falls away, leaving him feeling just a bit more at ease. no matter the memories he doesn't have, or the ones she does, this is still familiar. a common place for them both to be. he kisses keyleth like he always does - honest and open and happy, because she makes him happy. because she makes him happier than he's ever thought he could be.
[ Vax always kisses like that, with everything he feels just spilling out of him, or so it seems to Keyleth. He has...so much capacity for love. He taught her how to love. She isn't sure she has any chance of ever matching him, but she tries as hard as she can to make him feel as loved and as cherished as he makes her feel.
They part only for a breath or two, and Keyleth pulls him back in, though it's a shorter kiss, and then for another that's mostly a peck for punctuation. Her hands have long since move into his hair, and she makes no attempt whatsoever to take them back. This is good, this is almost perfect. Close and warm, sharing air with Vax--it's the most relaxed and comfortable and right she's felt in months. ]
[ as far as he's concerned, she doesn't need to do anything. didn't need to love him back, didn't need to feel the same. his feelings for keyleth had been a slow-growing beast, a flutter in his chest one moment, and an all consuming emotion the next. for vax, it had been enough to tell her his feelings. enough for her to know. and if she felt the same, or didn't, he would still be there for her - as a friend, and if she wanted, something more. it just so happens that he lucked out on that scenario, because keyleth had returned those feelings.
a chance to love her the way he wanted to, and for it to be returned in kind. he was lucky, alright. luckier than he ever thought he could be. and he wasn't going to let a single second of it go by without appreciating it.
keyleth's hands are in his hair, and vax pulls his arms a little more tightly around her waist, pulling her just a bit more closely up against him. he's happy, here. he's been happy for longer than he ever imagined he would be, but here, in this moment, he feels a bit like he could burst. which is why he just smiles, pressing a soft kiss to her temple. ]
I'm glad we could get that straightened out. [ then he laughs, nosing a bit at her hair. ]
[ He says it teasingly, just means it as a joke, she's sure, not that his love for her or her love for him was ever actually in question. Still, Keyleth instinctively hugs him harder, fingers absently toying with the beaded braids that pop bright colors against the deep darkness of his hair. ]
I didn't mean to make you worry.
[ That much, at least, she knows she's been unintentionally guilty of, though she doubts there was much to be done about it. They were all of them, always going to be fret and fuss and worry over each other. That was what people who love each other did. That was what family did. ]
[ he does say it teasingly. which means that as soon as she tightens her arms around him, he feels a bit guilty. like maybe he was wrong to try and joke about it at all. he leans his head a bit into her hands, letting her have free access to whatever she wants to touch. ]
That's going to happen no matter what. [ he says with a soft smile, just content to have her this close. honestly, he could stay like this for hours, just comfortable in her space. where he can hear her breathing. he lets out a slow sigh of his own, relaxing a little more in this here and now. ]
As long as you feel better. Even if just a little bit.
I know. Me too. [ Meaning she's gonna worry about him--and Vex, and Percy, and Pike, and even their sleeping friends. Keyleth angles her head to kiss whatever part of Vax she can currently reach, but she does feel better. Both relaxed and grounded. And warm. So nice and warm. ]
[ there are a few moments there where he just kind of smiles at her, letting it sink in again, like he has every day for the past year or so, how lucky he is. how beautiful she is. even under these circumstances, even with the end of the world at their backs, they're...here.
she's here. with him.
he can do this.
keyleth angles herself to kiss under his chin, and vax moves to settle them back a little more on the bed, bringing her with him so that they can lay back and just. maybe cuddle for a bit. he'd be happy to spend the rest of the day like this, but for right now, he definitely just wants to lay with her. ]
[ Keyleth moves with him easily, snuggling up into Vax and pillows and bedding until they're nestled into a comfortable little nest atop her bed. It's so nice. After the months she spent sleeping alone, it feels so good to snuggle in, and hold her Vax, and be held. ]
You mean, plans other than this? [ She grins a little, absently winding a lock of Vax's hair around her finger. ] Nope. No plans at all.
[ with the two of them moving, it's not hard to resettle more comfortably in the nest on her bed. he kicks off his shoes, too, for good measure, and without any armor to worry about it's not like he has to undress. instead, he curls against her, lets out a content breath once they're both comfortable, and smiles back to her. ]
Good. [ and then he shifts closer, pulling her back close to his chest. ] Because I like this idea better.
[ Keyleth threads the fingers of one hand through Vax's and tugs the arm that hand is attached to a little more tightly around her. His shoes join her circlet at the foot of the bed and she giggles softly, his breath tickling through her hair and over her ear. ]
It's a really nice idea.
I wish the houses were big enough that we could all stay together.
[ vax settles into the feeling of it all - the bed, keyleth's hands in his, letting her move her just how she wants him to be settled.
but then she mentions the houses, and the beds, and vax lets out a breath that feels almost like a sigh. ]
I just want you closer to me. [ he hates this different room. this different house. this idea that for any period of time, it was keyleth without him. ] We should find a bigger house for us, anyway. When Grog and- [ he pauses, then reminds himself about time, about memories. ] And Scalan. And Terry, whenever he wakes up too.
[ She can feel his frustration--and it's frustration she shares. She tugs their twined hands up far enough to kiss his knuckle and squeezes his fingers with hers. ]
I know, babe, I want that too.
[ She hesitates a little, when he mentions their still sleeping friends--Scanlan, in particular. ]
...He came back, you know. Or...he will come back. Scanlan, I mean.
[ he lets out a frustrated breath before letting his eyes fall closed. he knows he doesn't really have any room to be as frustrated as he is. but he doesn't like her being so far.
but he feels the tension when she hesitates, and his eyes open back up to see her mention scanlan, and vax just. stops. ]
[ She likes being cuddle up with her back to his chest, but she's missed his face so much that she wriggles in his arms, turning around to face him instead. ]
[ of course he leaves room for her to turn in his arms, giving her a small smile just because now he can see her and he presses a quick kiss to her forehead. just because he can. ]
A crime lord? [ he...pauses. and then thinks about it. and then ends up snorting once. ] That doesn't...surprise me? What about his daughter?
[ um. well. not...exactly what vax would have thought. especially considering how scanlan left, and what he wanted to do. though...well. you certainly would get to know your daughter by becoming a crime lord? with her? ]
I mean. I guess... [ and then, as he trails off, he snorts once to himself. ] It does sound like him.
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But that doesn't mean she won't accept the embrace, the comfort. Keyleth starts to move in, then makes a quiet noise and eases back enough to lift the antlered circlet off of her head, setting it aside far enough away that neither of them are likely to put their hands down on it and catch a prong.
There. She winds her arms around his middle and presses her cheek against Vax's chest. That's better. She sinks in and closes her eyes, counting every breath and every heartbeat, roughly three beats for every inhale and exhale.
She shifts again, just to turn her head and press her face into the fabric of his shirt. Hero. Keyleth's never felt like a hero. She thinks Kerr has the right of it. They're just hammering at the world, and sometimes breaking feels like making. ]
I'm--I'm not gonna lie to you. I'm not, I promise. [ It's a thin line between lying and withholding information, but darnit--it's still a line. ] I just...don't want to talk about it.
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when keyleth pauses and leans back to remove the antlers, vax finds himself watching her. watching the movement of her hands, or the expression on her face. knowing that there is apparently such a space between them, now, doesn't sit well, but he doesn't know how to fix it.
but then she's back, her face against his chest, and his arms are around her again. soft and gentle where they rub at her back. he's not sure if what he meant to say has been communicated - that he does want to know but that he's not going to make her do anything - but he leaves it where it is. ] You don't have to. [ he confirms, burying his face back in her hair. ] Not until you want to, and I'm not going to be going anywhere until then.
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[ She doesn't mean for it to come out quite so desperate and pleading, but the thought of it is too much. She's already all but lost him once, please, whatever gods or beings are in charge, don't make her do it again. Her eyes burn, her nose starts to sting, and she starts taking very deliberate breaths, refusing to let herself start sniffling or shed tears. ]
I don't...think I can do this alone again. I really don't think I can.
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[ he can't tell if she's crying, or just trying to keep herself from it, but either way vax pulls her close and tight to his chest. he wants to help. he wants to do something. and he can't shake the feeling that no matter what he does or says here, it won't really help. ]
I'm not going anywhere, don't worry. [ he says anyway, soft and reassuring into the mess of red hair on the top of her head. ] You don't have to do this alone anymore. I promise.
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But that's just life, isn't it? She can't keep holding on to this...whatever it is. Dread? Fear? Grief? A little taste from every column, is probably where the truth is found. Vax is here now, and awake, and alive, and there's nothing he can do about the future. Nothing any of them can do. So. They'll just take it moment by moment. ]
Okay.
[ She breathes in deep, lets it out, content to exist in the tight hold and the soft dark of Vax's clothes against her cheek, the muted whisper of his heartbeat a steady measure of passing moments. Breathes in, breathes out. Unconsciously synchronizing her breaths with his. ]
We're gonna be okay. We'll--all of us, we're gonna be okay.
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he wants to be here, with her. he wants to make sure she is never alone, and he wants to try his best to make sure it stays that way.
thankfully, she agrees, and vax lets out a soft sigh of his own. feeling keyleth tense, and then relax, up against him. he notices that she synchronizes with him, and it pulls a small smile out of him, turning his cheek to lay it on top of her head, his arms still around her. ]
Yes. We are. We'll all be okay. [ he squeezes her tight, just for good measure, before he pauses. pulls away to reach his hand and pull her face away from his chest, just to catch her eyes. just to stare at them for another second, then a second more, before he gives her a soft smile. ]
I love you. More than anything. You know that, right?
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Vax.
[ She swallows hard, a knot in her throat and moisture gathering in her eyes, but they're more the good kind of tears than the other kind. Of course she knows Vax loves her. That's never been in doubt. Maybe the Raven Queen wins in the end, and maybe she doesn't, but it doesn't matter; Keyleth will always know the love that Vax felt for her was a choice, not a duty.
She just pulls him in and kisses him. It's been way too long since she properly kissed her boyfriend. Kisses say more than words can, anyway. ]
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which. really. he'd have to be dead to ever imagine contesting this. it comes as easily as breathing, leaning into her kiss and lettings his arms wrap back around her, just for another stretch of her to ground himself in.
and she's right - kisses do say more than words, and whatever vax had still been dealing with very easily falls away, leaving him feeling just a bit more at ease. no matter the memories he doesn't have, or the ones she does, this is still familiar. a common place for them both to be. he kisses keyleth like he always does - honest and open and happy, because she makes him happy. because she makes him happier than he's ever thought he could be.
end of the world or no, he could do this. ]
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They part only for a breath or two, and Keyleth pulls him back in, though it's a shorter kiss, and then for another that's mostly a peck for punctuation. Her hands have long since move into his hair, and she makes no attempt whatsoever to take them back. This is good, this is almost perfect. Close and warm, sharing air with Vax--it's the most relaxed and comfortable and right she's felt in months. ]
I love you too, Vax. More than anything.
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a chance to love her the way he wanted to, and for it to be returned in kind. he was lucky, alright. luckier than he ever thought he could be. and he wasn't going to let a single second of it go by without appreciating it.
keyleth's hands are in his hair, and vax pulls his arms a little more tightly around her waist, pulling her just a bit more closely up against him. he's happy, here. he's been happy for longer than he ever imagined he would be, but here, in this moment, he feels a bit like he could burst. which is why he just smiles, pressing a soft kiss to her temple. ]
I'm glad we could get that straightened out. [ then he laughs, nosing a bit at her hair. ]
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I didn't mean to make you worry.
[ That much, at least, she knows she's been unintentionally guilty of, though she doubts there was much to be done about it. They were all of them, always going to be fret and fuss and worry over each other. That was what people who love each other did. That was what family did. ]
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That's going to happen no matter what. [ he says with a soft smile, just content to have her this close. honestly, he could stay like this for hours, just comfortable in her space. where he can hear her breathing. he lets out a slow sigh of his own, relaxing a little more in this here and now. ]
As long as you feel better. Even if just a little bit.
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I do. I've got you now.
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she's here. with him.
he can do this.
keyleth angles herself to kiss under his chin, and vax moves to settle them back a little more on the bed, bringing her with him so that they can lay back and just. maybe cuddle for a bit. he'd be happy to spend the rest of the day like this, but for right now, he definitely just wants to lay with her. ]
Hmmm, you didn't have plans today, did you?
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You mean, plans other than this? [ She grins a little, absently winding a lock of Vax's hair around her finger. ] Nope. No plans at all.
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Good. [ and then he shifts closer, pulling her back close to his chest. ] Because I like this idea better.
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It's a really nice idea.
I wish the houses were big enough that we could all stay together.
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but then she mentions the houses, and the beds, and vax lets out a breath that feels almost like a sigh. ]
I just want you closer to me. [ he hates this different room. this different house. this idea that for any period of time, it was keyleth without him. ] We should find a bigger house for us, anyway. When Grog and- [ he pauses, then reminds himself about time, about memories. ] And Scalan. And Terry, whenever he wakes up too.
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I know, babe, I want that too.
[ She hesitates a little, when he mentions their still sleeping friends--Scanlan, in particular. ]
...He came back, you know. Or...he will come back. Scanlan, I mean.
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but he feels the tension when she hesitates, and his eyes open back up to see her mention scanlan, and vax just. stops. ]
He does?
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[ She likes being cuddle up with her back to his chest, but she's missed his face so much that she wriggles in his arms, turning around to face him instead. ]
He's been in Ank'harel. He's a crime lord now!
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A crime lord? [ he...pauses. and then thinks about it. and then ends up snorting once. ] That doesn't...surprise me? What about his daughter?
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[ Like, good that they're still together, right? Maybe not the best form of father-daughter bonding, but who is she to judge? ]
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[ um. well. not...exactly what vax would have thought. especially considering how scanlan left, and what he wanted to do. though...well. you certainly would get to know your daughter by becoming a crime lord? with her? ]
I mean. I guess... [ and then, as he trails off, he snorts once to himself. ] It does sound like him.
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[ Keyleth laughs softly, though it's more of a breathy little huff. ]
Grog was really hurt when he came back. Pike, too. But I think they're a little better now.
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